Learning to smile at myself!

smile please
smile please

Life is strange. We all go through the tapestry of our daily life not realising that we are living some of the best moments possible.

A year ago, I hardly had a clue my life would shape up like it has. I was then leading a very busy life. I had my routine rituals.

I planned my busy weekends and fumed over the busier weekdays. I fussed about the inability to put my feet up. I cooked, cleaned, wrote and exercised and constantly complained.

What did I have to complain about? Nothing. Was I happy then? Yes. Did I know, then, that I was happy ? Probably not. That, I think is the biggest misery of human kind.

Most of us agree that, some of the best memories etched in our brain have many images from our childhood. Yet, I can’t recollect many images from the previous year.

I can’t recollect particular moments when I felt blissful. I guess, I was too busy doing my mundane chores. But, why don’t I have memories of so many days from the year that went by?

Happiness, they say, is a state of mind. I was too busy in life to notice that ‘happiness’ was camping in my head. I believed that, unless I smiled a lot or laughed my head off, I couldn’t lure ‘happiness’ into the open. How would I have known that all that it required was to gently stroke my head and I could automatically smile. And while, it lasted, I didn’t bother to pause. Somehow, I never learnt the trick. Like they say, only others notice happiness in your life while you are oblivious that it exists.

Today, as I pause a bit when life unfolds a new challenge, I force a smile. I look at options to smile and revel in that little curve on my face. I watch comedy shows and my respect for Charlie Chaplin multiplies. I wonder why it unfortunately always takes a challenge to appreciate the beautiful facets that life offers. I take a look back at my life — so many journeys, so many roads, so many experiences. Somewhere, I forgot to gather all the priceless moments I had spent and savour them. The moments of bliss, like when I was little, I waited to grow up.

During adulthood especially motherhood, I wanted the child to grow up quickly as I was too tired doing the numerous things. I lost my son’s childhood and a great many things to time. I forgot again to live in the moment of my son’s messy drool sticking to my face because, I was busy trying to get it off.
Life is not cruel but sadly, I learnt the ways of life a tad bit late in my life. As I pick up the thread and head towards a new road, I tell myself the golden mantra — to live every moment and savour them. In my pursuit of happiness that I had previously defined as the big moments filled with laughter, I lost a huge chunk of life that contained countless number of smaller and insignificant priceless smiles.

I now have to pause a lot more, linger a bit longer at every stage. I resolve to learn to smile not just at insignificant things, but also learn to smile at myself. After all, next year this time, I want to reminisce about a lot more things than remember my life as a Formula 1 driver.

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