In February this year, my doctor uttered the deadly word ‘Cancer’. Ever since, life has shifted gears and changed course. While I tread the path with trepidation, I learn something new, with every passing day.
Life before cancer was different. In the mundaneness of life, I had simply forgotten to be alive and kicking. My new ailment is teaching me many small truths that my otherwise perfectly good life didn’t:
I can be happy for nothing
Cancer taught me to be happy. Sounds mad? Well, as paradoxical as it might be, it’s true. Earlier, I was so caught up in the rigmarole of life, that I didn’t bother to pause and enjoy the small pleasures. But after cancer has made its grand entry into my life, I am compelled to live it in smaller frames. I have started living one day at a time. I now watch movies that I never would have watched. I laugh at the most stupid jokes and I find that it feels good to laugh and let the feeling sink in. It really is an irony that it took the dreaded cancer to teach me the art of being happy for nothing.
I am the VIP of my life
Until last year, I believed my husband, my son, my family members were the most important people in my life. I worked diligently to make sure that I never antagonised anyone. Not once did I think about myself, when I cooked those meals.
Not once did I put my wants before my family’s. I didn’t stop to think or care for myself. But with cancer, I broke out of this notion. I told myself that it was okay to put myself before everyone else. If I don’t care for myself, why should others? So, today, I am a different person. I am fighting the battle, not for my husband or my son, but for myself. Because, I want to be around and enjoy my time on this planet.
Others do care for me
Previously, I had often wondered if anyone really cared for me. I had sulked and pondered over my cruel theory that no one gave a damn whether or not I existed. Now that my dear cancer has given a whole new twist to my idea of ‘existence’, I realise I was only being foolish. Today, I know for a fact that there are people who love and care for me just as much as I do. In the rut of life, many a time, we squabble over seemingly meaningless stuff and forget that we love people and that they love us too. The sad part is that it took an ailment to remind me that love triumphs over silly squabbles.
I am very blessed
I remember looking at the night sky as a child and wondering if the moon and stars followed me every where. Then, I grew up, and stopped appreciating nature’s bountiful gifts. But, thanks to cancer, today, I am a person who enjoys the little things in life. I have learnt to feel grateful for every passing moment. I have learnt to be grateful to have the earth to sleep on and a sky to stare into. I have learnt to be grateful for a loving family. I have learnt to feel grateful for breathing at all. I have learnt to count my blessings.
There’s life beyond cancer
As much as I might be ailing from it, I still maintain that cancer is not the end of the world. There is life beyond it; it just takes a little effort to see that. I am blessed with only one life, and just because I am a cancer patient, it doesn’t mean I have to stare into death’s eyes all the time. I have as much a chance to live life as anyone else, provided I believe it. And so, I do believe it. Once upon a time, I used to shudder at the thought of taking a pill. Today, I am fighting the biggest battle of my life. And that’s exactly what it is: a battle, not a war!